The Patient/Customer Is Not Always Right

The customer is not always right. And here's why understanding that truth could save your best employees and transform your workplace culture.

I learned about customer service when I was five years old, sizing and selling shoes in my father's Kenney's Shoe Store. Customers got a kick out of being helped by a little kid, and I discovered something that's stayed with me for decades: most people are genuinely appreciative when they're helped and thankful when they're valued. I love interacting with customers. It's in my blood.

But here's what I also learned over 30 years of leadership: there's a small percentage of customers who believe that the louder or uglier they get during an exchange, the more likely they are to get what they want. This behavior seems to have increased in the post-COVID era, with stress, isolation, and changed expectations amplifying aggressive tendencies. It's unfortunate because these difficult customers still represent maybe 2-3% of your clientele, but they create lasting damage to your team's morale and respect for your leadership.

When "Customer Service" Becomes Team Destruction

Every business leader understands the value of good customer service. We train our teams to go above and beyond, to turn problems into opportunities, and to treat every customer interaction as a chance to build loyalty. These are solid principles that drive business success.

But somewhere along the way, many of us have confused good service with unlimited tolerance for abusive behavior. When we allow customers to berate, insult, or badger our staff without consequences, we're not providing excellent service. We're sacrificing our team's dignity and our leadership credibility for the illusion of customer satisfaction.

I've watched talented employees lose heart and leave not because of the work itself, but because they felt abandoned when customers crossed the line. Whether it's a patient screaming at your medical assistant about wait times, a client berating your account manager over a project delay, or a customer insulting your retail associate over a return policy, the damage extends far beyond that single interaction.

Your team is watching how you respond to these moments. They're learning whether you value their wellbeing or whether customer demands always override employee dignity. That lesson shapes everything: their engagement, their loyalty, and ultimately, their decision to stay with you or find a leader who will protect them.

The Emotional Escalation Scale: A System That Protects Your People

Just like you have systems and protocols for patient check-ins, customer refunds, and daily opening tasks, you need a clear system for handling escalating customer emotions. I recommend developing what I call an Emotional Escalation Scale from 1 to 5:

Level 1: Customer expresses frustration but remains respectful Level 2: Raised voice or sharp tone, but no personal attacks Level 3: Loud voice, demanding tone, beginning to be unreasonable Level 4: Yelling, personal criticism of staff, or threatening language Level 5: Abusive language, personal insults, or aggressive behavior

Here's the key: your front-line staff should be empowered to handle levels 1-3, but the moment a customer hits level 4, they immediately escalate to your designated de-escalation specialist. This is typically an on-site manager or owner who has both the authority to make decisions and the training to handle difficult situations.

The escalation should be immediate and non-negotiable. Your employee should feel comfortable saying, "I understand you're frustrated. Let me get my manager who can better assist you with this situation."

When Your De-Escalation Person Isn't Available

Real-world complications happen. Your designated person might be in a meeting, at lunch, or out of the office. In these situations, your staff needs a clear backup protocol:

"I understand you're upset, and I want to make sure you get the attention this deserves. My manager will call you back within the hour [or by the end of the day] to personally address your concerns."

Then honor that timeline religiously. Nothing undermines your system faster than broken promises about follow-up.

The Referring Party Conversation

Here's a situation that makes many business leaders nervous: what happens when a difficult customer was referred by an important partner or colleague? Let's say Dr. Jones refers a patient to your office, and that patient escalates to level 4 behavior with your staff.

After your de-escalation specialist handles the immediate situation, contact Dr. Jones directly and explain what happened: "I wanted to let you know about an interaction we had with the patient you referred. They became verbally abusive with our staff, so we had to set some boundaries. Here's what took place and the action we took."

In my experience, this conversation strengthens the relationship rather than damaging it. Dr. Jones's office will typically respond with something like, "They've done that here as well. I completely understand what you did and I support you." Rather than losing the relationship, you've now bonded over a shared experience of maintaining professional standards.

Quality referral sources want to work with businesses that maintain professional environments. They don't want their reputation associated with practices that tolerate abusive behavior any more than you do.

Setting Boundaries That Stick

Here's where many of us struggle as leaders: what happens when customers continue to cross the line despite your intervention? The answer is simple but requires courage to implement.

First, warn them clearly: "I want to resolve this issue for you, but I need our conversation to remain respectful. Can we work together on that?"

If the behavior continues, you have every right to end the relationship. Yes, you can "fire" customers who refuse to treat your team with basic respect. In fact, you should.

I've seen the relief on employees' faces when a leader finally draws this line. It sends a powerful message: your team's dignity matters more than any single customer's business.

The Business Case for Standing Firm

Some of us worry that setting firm boundaries will damage our reputation or cost us revenue. The opposite is usually true. When your team feels protected and valued, they provide better service to your good customers. When word spreads that you maintain a respectful environment, you actually attract better clients who appreciate professionalism.

Remember, the customers who abuse your staff are typically the ones who complain the most, pay the least, and refer the worst prospects. Losing them often improves your business, not hurts it.

Your Implementation Plan

Start this week by developing your own escalation system:

1. Define your 1-5 emotional scale with specific examples

2. Designate your de-escalation specialist and backup procedures

3. Train your team on when and how to escalate

4. Create standard language for setting boundaries with difficult customers

5. Establish consequences for customers who repeatedly cross the line

Most importantly, demonstrate through your actions that you have your team's back. When your employees see that you're willing to stand up to unreasonable customers, their respect for your leadership and their commitment to your business will increase dramatically.

The customer isn't always right. Sometimes, the right thing to do is protect the people who make your business possible every day.

Your team is watching how you handle these moments. Make sure the lesson they learn is that their dignity and wellbeing matter to you as much as any revenue.